I did not grow up in church. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old but I did continue to see my dad. Eventually he just left me out of the blue when I was in elementary school. I don’t know why.
My mom married again and her new husband molested me. She is still married to him and I have long since forgiven him and pray for him. Because I was able to forgive him and due to my current circumstances I am living in their home right now.
I was a habitual run away and my mom had me locked up in mental institutions and drug rehabs, halfway houses and girl’s camp for the emotionally disturbed. I started drinking and using drugs at a very early age….maybe 10 or 11. When I would run away, I ran away to these much older men and they sold me as a sex slave to other men each time.
Finally at age 16 I was at home and I left again for good. I married and became pregnant and my husband, my son’s father, would beat me. I had another son with him and left him right after my son was born and once again started using drugs and pretty severely. I was on the run from the law because I shot someone during a drunken stupor. I was caught.
I met my 2nd husband while in jail and he was very, very emotionally and mentally abusive. I almost wished I would rather be beaten. He would tell me to kill myself in front of my kids (his children) and tell me how everyone would be better off without me.
When I left him I was on drugs really severely and lived on the streets. I ate from dumpsters, slept in park bathrooms, panhandled, and just survived (not on purpose). I had lost all hope. I was angry at God for not letting me die (I attempted suicide a few times) and would wonder why would He give my children someone like me.
One of the numerous times I was in jail I started reading a bible and then someone told me Jesus was God….I had not a clue. I was sent to another locked facility and started highlighting in my bible everywhere that it was okay to drink. Ecclesiastes…lol. Then one night Jesus came to me in a dream. He was a silhouette of a man all lit up and I just knew it was Jesus.
In the dream I stepped forward to hug Him and all of sudden, like a freight train, the LOVE He had for me hit me. Tears did not run down my cheeks – they shot out of my eyes like bullets. I could not contain all the love. It was so intense and so immense and so …no words can describe it. It filled every part of me.
When I woke up my hair was wet from crying and the first thing I said was, who needs the love of a man when you have that……WOW. I didn’t know what to think. I still intended on going back to the streets, but for some reason when I got out of jail, I didn’t. I also did not tell anyone about the dream and I pretty much left it at being a dream.
When I got out of jail and was on probation, probation officers made me go back to where I lived on the streets – I begged them not to. Then they had me do community service with the homeless. They really wanted to put me back in the same environment so I ran from probation and came to Dallas with a man and moved in with my mom.
This guy was nooooo good. So I kicked him to the curb and I realized I had this void inside of me. I was no longer replacing it with drugs or alcohol and men. So I decided to look for a church and then I became very devoted. It wasn’t a Spirit filled church, but I was a brand spanking new Christian and hungry for God.
I asked God to find a way to get my warrant from running from my probation behind me. I told Him He had to work it out because I was not going to turn myself in since I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I thought, hmm how is that going to happen? Well, 2 weeks later I was in front of a home I was cleaning and a policeman pulled up and stated that he got a disturbance call and took my name, then drove away. I looked to Heaven and said, “Really God?” Suddenly the policeman turned around and came back. He asked if I knew why he came back and I said, yes, smiling soooo big. (The warrant for breaking probation).
While I was in jail waiting to go to prison, I thought, “I wonder if I got the glow the Christians have.” You know where their countenance is just filled with the glory of God. Well, I went to prison and some woman, whom I never met, runs up to me and says, “God told me to tell you have a glow!” Oh my goodness. That was crazy to me because I didn’t know He could hear my thoughts.
I eventually got out of prison and was not looking for a man, but my now husband came into my life. I did not know that I was not to marry someone who was not a Christian. I didn’t know. I started drinking again with him and left God behind, putting my husband before Him. My husband became my idol. And then I went on a 5 day MIA drunken rampage.
God with His great mercy and grace rescued me again.
Since then I started coming back to Him and growing in the Lord. I have since stopped all drinking and drugging and smoking and stealing and you name it. I have been set free and He is continuing to teach me, grow me and love me.
I suppose the last time I drank was 3 years ago. There is much I have left out but I have been out of prison since 2013. I am still married but separated from my husband. He too, is abusive, but I have hope for him since he recently asked Christ into his heart.
I go to the jail and minister to women and serve at a homeless shelter on week-ends along with serving in my church. I’ve experienced both jail and being homeless and that’s why I love serving God in those two places. I can definitely relate to these people’s pain.
I want everyone to know how worthy and loved you are. I want you to experience God and encounter Him and feel the love I felt in that dream and through my blessings. I want to let you know there is a better way of life out there. I just turned 50 years old and I want to let you know that it is never too late to seek Christ. I want to treat those in jail and the homeless and others the way God intended them to be treated and to know God loves them.
God is so awesome and amazing and real. I love Him soooooo much.